A Changed Man
by Ultrawoman
Summary: Set in the ARILY-verse. One shot fic. How much has Spike really changed since he fell in love with Buffy, since he became a human, a husband, and a father...?


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A/N : I'm going back to my three main fics now, and I have a week off work so hopefully updates will come pretty soon and be fairly regular. Tomorrow being Sunday, I s'pose some of you will be expecting a poem - I'll try not to let you down. In the meantime, hope you like this little fic...

Title : A Changed Man  
Author : Ultrawoman  
Rating : PG  
Setting : ARILY-verse, 2010 - 9 years after the AU end of Season 5/beginning of Season 6 made in my fic 'Always Remember - I Love You'  
Feedback : Yes, please, I love reviews - so long as they're not flames!  
Summary : How much has Spike really changed since he fell in love with Buffy, since he became a human, a husband, and a father...?  
Disclaimer : Spike and Buffy belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy, not me, but their daughter Emily is my own character.

A Changed Man ~ August 2010

The meal will be meagre, she is but a child, but the taste is exquisite as his fangs pierce her neck and crimson life flows past his lips and down his throat, feeding his demon, making his dead body live for a while at least. The reverse is true for the girl as her breath ceases and her heart slows...

Spike woke up with a start, sweat pouring down his face and neck, breath coming in frightened gasps as he grips the bed like his life depends on it, knuckles going white and the sheets threatening to tear. He closes his eyes and tries to breathe deeply, get the much needed oxygen back into his body, but behind his eyes he can still feel the blood, still see her face, still hear her scream...

Buffy stirred from sleep at the sudden movement beside her. She opened her eyes to see her husband, sat bolt up right, ashen with fear. She knew without asking what had happened.

"Another vampire dream" she stated, sure she was right.

Spike nodded absently, finally starting to calm down as Buffy pulled herself up and wrapped an arm around him, rubbing soothing circles on his back and telling him it was okay.

After a while it seemed Spike was back in reality, and he looked to his wife with eyes that threatened to spill over with tears.

"Come here" Buffy whispered, pulling him to her and hugging him close. Coming back as a human had been a wondrous thing for Spike and a great gift, but there were consequences even now, almost nine years after the event. Memories of what he did as a vampire haunted the soul he now possessed. Most of the time it wasn't so bad, but the dreams were worst, what his subconscious showed him. Buffy never saw Spike so afraid as when he woke up from some of those nightmares.

"You're shaking" she noticed, and swallowing hard he made an excuse.

"Just cold, luv" he said shakily, but she knew he was lying, she always knew.

"Spike" she said pulling away to see his face. He couldn't look her in the eye.

"William Summers, look at me" she demanded, turning his face to her with her hands, "Now" she said more gently, "tell me what happened, please"

"There was a girl" he said quietly after several moments of silent thought, "I was...feeding from a girl"

Buffy knew there had to be more to it than that. A vampire feeding on a girl was not pleasant and would probably lead to either the victims death or their turning, but it wouldn't get Spike all churned up like this, there had to be something else.

"Did you know her?" she guessed, prompting Spike to look away fast, the tears that had been forming before putting in a reappearance right down his cheeks. Slowly he nodded and Buffy didn't say a word, giving him time to get out what he needed to. She never expected what he said next.

"She's my...my little...I, I didn't mean it, Buffy, I swear" he cried, falling back into her arms and sobbing like a child.

The Slayer took a deep breath and swallowed hard as she held onto him and let him cry. She knew precisely what had upset him so much now, it was the identity of the girl he had harmed.

"Emily" it came out in a whisper, though she hadn't intended it to. A part of her felt disgustedly sick, but for the most part she just felt so sorry for her precious love, so haunted by his past and trying to hard to make it right.

"I'm sorry" Spike said again as he pulled out of her arms, feeling like he did not deserve his wife's comfort, "It just gets all confused in my head" he tried to explain, as his hands ran back through his hair, "the past, the present, the future, I can't control it and it gets mixed up and..." tears continued to fall from his pained blue eyes and Buffy hated to see him so upset, but there was little she could do for him.

"It's okay" she told him, a couple of stray droplets falling from her own eyes, "Spike, you're human now, and you can't do that to her" she comforted him as best she could, "and even if you were still a vampire" she continued, his head turning to look at her on that word, "I know that you would never harm her, just like you never hurt me or Dawnie"

"I can still hurt her, hurt anyone" he told her, voice shaking as much as his body still shivered, "I don't have to be a demon...there are men that..."

"But you're not one of them" she interrupted, knowing exactly what he was thinking, "Listen to me William" she ordered his attention again and he gave it, "you are the kindest, sweetest, most wonderful man I have ever met" she told him, both his and her eyes shining with tears as well as obvious affection, "I love you and I trust you" she continued solemnly, "and I know beyond all doubt that you would never do anything that would hurt our child, or anyone"

So choked up with emotion that he could not speak, Spike just looked upon his wife with loving eyes, overwhelmed by all that she really felt for him, and all he himself felt for her, wondering again the same thing he did so often, what did he ever do to deserve such a woman.

"Mommy? Daddy?" a little voice called from the half open door.

"Honey, you should be in bed and asleep by now" Buffy told her daughter as she tiptoed into the room, her favourite stuffed toy under her arm and her blonde hair all messy.

"I'm thirsty" she declared, not noticing her fathers state at first. He accidentally drew her attention as he tried to wipe the salt water from his face.

"Are you okay, Daddy?" she small child asked with a tilt of her head and a slight frown, showing that however much she looked like Buffy, she was clearly Spike's child too.

"Sure, Sweet Bit" he forced a smile, "I just..er.."

"Daddy had a nightmare" Buffy filled in as she scooped the little girl up off the ground and sat her on the bed with them, "y'know just like you have bad dreams sometimes"

Emily nodded her understanding, before looking back to her father. Pulling the toy from under arm, she thrust it at him with both hands.

"You wanna hug Mr Gordo?" she offered, said toy pig being her own comfort ever since Mommy had given it to her, telling her how he'd got her through some rough times. Buffy smiled as she remembered Emily asking why she didn't need him anymore, to which the Slayer had replied 'because now I have your Daddy to comfort and protect me'

"No thanks, pet" was Spike's answer to his daughters question, and this time the slight smile on his lips was genuine. 

Emily frowned a little as she took back her offered toy and held him close, her own little version of being offended it seemed.

"I think maybe Daddy would like to hug you instead, while I fetch a glass of water" Buffy suggested to Spike's slight surprise. Her words about trusting him had meant the world, but the action of leaving him alone, holding their child, left no doubt in his mind of her love and faith in him.

As Buffy got out of bed, pulled on her robe and made for the door, Emily put down Mr Gordo and reached over to hug her father. She lay half across his chest, arms around him as much as they could be, given that four year olds arms are not very long in comparison to a grown-ups body.

Spike put his arms around her tiny form and hugged her back, kissing the top of her head as he both heard and felt her yawn.

"I love you, Daddy" she said softly and it took all his strength not to start crying all over again.

"I love you too, baby" he said softly, one hand stroking her blonde hair, the other holding her tightly still, as she drifted off to sleep.

Buffy was right, Spike realised, he could never harm this child, his own little girl. 

And as she dreamt of rainbows and fairies and butterscotch, Spike looked down at her angelic face, lips slightly smiling, her little chest slowly rising and falling against him, and he believed then, more than he ever had before, that because of Buffy, and because of Emily, he was truly a changed man.

~ The End ~


End file.
